Grief is crying on the floor. So very loudly. Yet nobody is there to hear, or see, your horror. Grief is the future missed. You would give anything for just one more hug. Or just one more kiss. Grief is death. For them. But it feels like for you too. The world moves on it…

Did you know that widows feel shame? Did you know that widowers feel shame? I just realized this. As I was driving to hospice bereavement last week it hit me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes when I speak about Michelle, I feel shame. And many times I do not speak about Michelle when I…

You are lucky.  You got to say Good Bye. You are lucky.  You didn’t have to watch them die. No. No. No. And, one more time for good measure:  NO! I lost my wife to cancer.  To one of the most rare and aggressive cancers known to man. A cancer so rare that only one…

You’ve Changed. Have you heard this since your loss? Maybe you have. Maybe you haven’t. But my guess is that you’ve felt it. You’ve felt it about yourself. You’ve felt the eyes of others judging you with those thoughts:  You’ve Changed Here is my question:  How could you not?  How could you not change?  Were…

In December of 2016 I was added to the National Cancer Survivor’s Day Foundation Speakers Bureau. I was pretty excited when I found out the news. I had written the foundation a few months prior and had submitted my application, but had not heard back.  I had assumed that they were not interested. After all,…

Cousins. Aunts. Uncles. Grandparents. Friends. Friends of the Family. Dad. Wife. I’ve known loss.  If you are reading this, chances are you have too. For all the many, many wakes and funerals I have been to one thing has continuously occurred to me. The wake is so much easier than the funeral. When I sit…

We weren’t programmed to love each other.  Yet we do. I can only imagine. The pure joy. Of seeing a child that you created, born. I can only imagine. The pure joy. Of hearing a child you created, call you daddy. I can only imagine those things.  Because at the age of thirty-two, I have…

It bothers me when: I get introduced to someone as John. And there is no Michelle. That, in itself, is a moment of Hell. It bothers me when: They think that I am a single man. Because I am not. I was wed. And she is dead. It bothers me when: Monday. And Tuesday. It’s…

Hope. We had you. From time to time. The truth is though, you were more of a dream. Not a reality. Of hers. Or mine. Early on, we felt you so. A few weeks into our new reality, we felt you go. ‘’We got it all John.’’ Cancer. No more. I thought we were free.…

Michelle, It’s National Widows Day. May 3rd. I know you don’t pay a lot of attention to these types of things. But I also know you heard. I see you cry. Every single day. It hurts me still. I wish there was another way. You know I fought so hard. With all of my might.…