March 19th, 2014

March 19th, 2014.

Michelle had just finished her fifth and final round of chemotherapy a few days prior. A scan had been done after her third round of chemotherapy about six weeks prior and the spots that were seen on the October PET scan appeared larger. Our doctor told us that if the chemotherapy was going to work it likely would have started to show progress after three rounds, but suggested we go forward with the last two rounds anyways.

So, here we were. Chemo was over and it was scan day.

March 19, 2014.

I was sick to my stomach with fear. If the chemo did not work after three rounds, it was almost certainly not going to work with the additional two rounds that were given. I firmly believed that we would hear the spots were bigger, perhaps more of them present, and that my beautiful wife’s time with us was limited. The time stamp was about to be given. I knew it. In my mind, in my heart and in my soul.

Michelle on the other hand was playing it cool. Whether she actually believed it or whether she was just trying to be strong I don’t know, but she kept telling me that it was going to be OK.  She said she had a good feeling.

I think about her strength and it makes me cry.

Not out of sadness, but out of pride.

The single strongest person I have ever known.

We left the doctor that day with hope. We left with smiles. We left breathing that fresh air, that fresh air that I can still taste just as though it was moments ago and years in the past. We left with a feeling that maybe she was going to be the one. The one person who could beat this horrible cancer that she so unluckily obtained.

Hopeful that the love of my life would beat this, hopeful that she would grow old with us, I was too excited to write anything too long or detailed.

My face hurt from the strength of my smile and the relief I felt was so extreme that I could not properly function.

Here are the simple words I put to Facebook that day:

Good scan today. The 2 lymph nodes by her removed kidney are back to normal size. She had 2 spots on her spine. One is smaller and the other is the same size. Our doctor still doesn’t know if the cancer is back and chemo worked or if it was never back and this is just some other stuff that is healing. No more chemo right now. Probably going to do radiation though. Next scan in 3 months. What Michelle has is so rare and aggressive we don’t know what the future holds. But today is a good day!!

 

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