Give Me Normal (Please)

Where is my normal life?

The one we were set to have.

Health.

Peace.

The extremely beautiful wife.

It was taken away.

Cancer did us in.

1 in 7 billion the doctor said.

John and Michelle, for the ‘We’ve never seen this before’, type of win.

That’s what people don’t quite get.

It’s not just missing her. It’s also missing what was supposed to be.

The future.  The love. 

The life we envisioned.

Before ‘We’ became ‘Me’.

To be reunited again. 

After eight years apart.

To fall madly in love for the second time.

To consume each other’s heart.

Losing her again.

Such a cruel fate.

To see your love dying.  You can’t help but fill with hate.

I’m over that now.

The anger.  The rage.

I cursed the Higher Power enough.

Life is a book. Please don’t judge me by that page.

Still the longing for her exists in ways I can’t quite explain.

 It’s that. It’s so much more.

 I want a normal life.

 The absence of such. A sucker punch. To my core.

© Copyright 2017 John Polo

8 thoughts on “Give Me Normal (Please)

  1. It is so hard when we play that game…. the one that goes “where would we be today if not for cancer?” But we play it still.

    I also hate it that I cannot reminisce about my children with their mom.

  2. “Not just missing her. It’s missing what was supposed to be.” Truly the hardest part of coping with the loss of my husband… Missing my normal life, so much…missing my best friend more!

  3. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have spent the last 16 months trying to find my new normal. I have focused on taking care of my 15 year old son and making sure he is okay. I have thought so many times how nobody gets it…thank you for reminding me I am not alone.

  4. Twenty seven wonderful years with the love of my life, and I lost her to brain cancer on November 5, 2016. Today, I cry as many tears for the time we should still have together, as I do for my loneliness. I don’t know how to plan, act, or dream without turning to her and sharing the thought.
    Thank you for your words which remind me that while I am lonely, I am not alone in walking this path towards my new normal.

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