Specific to Our Story

Have it Ready for Me

February 6, 2016.

This, was supposed to be our wedding day.

A day that we would erase the memory of our actual wedding day, July 26, 2013; a day in which we were married at a courthouse. Michelle was violently ill that day, in extreme pain and throwing up non-stop.

 It was four days after her cancer diagnosis. 

Five days before her eight hour surgery was scheduled to take place.

February 6, 2016.

We had it all planned.

The Ivy Hotel.

Downtown Chicago.

This was the day that I would finally get to watch the love of my life walk down the aisle.

Something that I had dreamt about since I fell in love with her, at the young age of eighteen.

We never got our dream wedding, but one day we will.

When it’s my time, whenever that may be – here is my request.


Have it all ready for me.  

All of it.  Perfectly.  Just as we had imagined.

Have the dress on, that beautiful dress that you loved so much. I never got to see you in it, but I know that I will. The gorgeous shoes that you looked like an absolute princess in. The hair, the makeup, all of it.

Have the candles and the flowers and our colors, purple and grey.

Have the special chairs that we were supposed to leave unattended to honor Michael, Kevin, Rose and Nicole.

Have Etta.

But don’t have her on a speaker system. No, instead have her there with you.

Have her sing. That song.

That song that told our story so perfectly. That song that you were supposed to walk down the aisle to.

‘At Last’, by Etta James.

A song that I have loved forever and suggested you walk down to. And after hearing it, you agreed.

Have it all ready for me.

My grey suit and purple bow tie.

The aisle.

Etta singing.

You walking down.

That smile. Those lips.

Those vows. That kiss.



4 thoughts on “Have it Ready for Me

  1. Oh gosh John, my heart goes out to you. I’ve been reading your blog and I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband and love of my life was killed in a cycling accident on 11 December at the age of 37, and I so feel your pain. I realise I was lucky by comparison, I had more years with him than you had with Michelle. My thoughts are with you and Emma. What a beautiful wedding you’ll have one day, Etta James will be honoured to sing at it.

  2. As i read this i was there i can see her there waiting for you i can see you standing there so handsome and smiling from ear to ear. I see the most beautiful princess walking down the isle while tears roll down your face. I see the day as if i was there. Thank you and one day it will be us all i can say.

  3. I know what it’s like to have a simple ceremony. We were going to do it right on our 50th, me in a dress. But we only made it to 43, but what a wonderful 43 it was. A wedding didn’t matter, I had him, that was enough. I feel for you John, your soul mate is a part of you, just as though it was part of your DNA.

  4. Oh, John…My daughter sent a link to your site having seen your last post — and my heart is overwhelmed. A too beautiful couple in a too terrible situation but the love of you both for each other is what emanates. Like you, my husband, too, had cancer when I married him. 10 years later, 10 years of side effects, treatments, surgeries — he died suddenly from an embolism. Go figure. Also like you, I turned to words to try to make sense of the pain, the after (writebrainwidow.blog) though seeing the heartbreaking picture of your radiant bride, I have none to express my emotions today. Instead, I’ll just send a piece of my heart and many hugs.

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