Grief in General

Why We Talk About Them


We talk about them because we love them.  In life. And in death.

We talk about them because they are still a part of us.  And always will be.

We talk about them because the love we shared and the loss we endured have shaped us into the person we are today.

We talk about them because we find it therapeutic. For our minds. For our hearts. For our souls.

We talk about them because it helps us. And we hope it will help others.

We talk about them because the memories make us happy.  And we need to feel that.

We talk about them because the memories make us sad.  And we need to feel that.

We talk about them because we want the world to know the struggle.

Of cancer.  Of suicide.  Of drug addiction. Of heart disease. Of sudden death.  Of terminal illness.

The struggle of loss.

We talk about them because we want you to appreciate what you have.  Because in hindsight, we realize we may not have.

We talk about them because they are still ours.  And we are still theirs.

We talk about them because in the day to day grind that is life, we sometimes feel them drifting away.  And we know that talking about them will make us feel closer to them today.

We talk about them because we want to.

We talk about them because we need to.

And yes, sometimes, we talk about them because nobody else is.

It is now our responsibility to carry on their legacies.

We talk about them because we take that responsibility very seriously.

When Michelle was sick and dying, she would often tell me of her fears that everyone would forget  her.  That she would become a distant memory.  That nobody would speak of her anymore.  That it would be like she never existed.

Nope.  Not going to happen.  Not on my watch.  Not now.  Not ever.

We talk about them because we refuse to let them be forgotten.

© Copyright 2017 John Polo

28 thoughts on “Why We Talk About Them

  1. Thank you for doing this. You’ll never know how much it helps. How can I send this to a friend of mine that lost his wife?

  2. Beautifully said and written. I had whom I thought
    was a true friend say to me, ” get over it Michele, he’s
    dead”. Fact of the matter is they aren’t dead, they reside
    with us always!
    It’s never goodbye.. it’s see ya soon.

  3. We talk about them because death is not something to hush or avoid or fear. In speaking of them we share their essence, thier spirit, their presence. We share their specialness. We also bring awareness or education to whatever stole them from us too soon. Talking is good.

  4. My son passed away 6 months today, hardest thing I have done, thank you for doing this blog so we can talk to someone who understands us. Rob was only really sick for 2 weeks, but I’m so thankful he did not have to suffer any longer. It’s a shock when it happens so quick, but it is up to God when, where it’s His plan not ours. I will see my son on the other side & am looking so forward for the day.

  5. Hi my husband passed away January 19 2017 with lung cancer and brain plus copd . I miss him so much been married 45 years on my birthday . My brother is staying with me . I feel like I need a support group ? I feel when I leave by my self I have to hurt and get home

  6. I lost my husband 6 years ago, not to death, to Alzheimer. He lived in a shell of a man but needed the care of a child. God was good to me. He taught me to be self sufficient and take care of my loved one a little at a time. Bob passed away 10 months ago. Now I have to go through the process of mourning and losing him again. Every avenue that is opened to me is so appreciated. I need to talk about my lost love, partner of 52 years.

  7. I really feel for you sweetie, I lost my mother to alzheimer in Aug 2014 and my husband of 32 years Sept 2014 due to an accident. My mother didn’t know me or even if I was in the room, it was heartbreaking. I was still mourning and depressed when my husband passed. I am slowing rebuilding my life as a single person. I don’t think I’ll ever even try to find anyone else. I think Joe was one of a kind and will forever be my husband. Feel free to send me a message if ever needed.

  8. I love this! Not a day that goes by I do not speak about my son. I lost Ryan three months ago in a tragic accident. He was just 16. I need to speak about him! I do not want anyone to forget about him!

  9. I lost my husband of 28 years thanksgiving 2016. I miss him so much. He was a happy and go lucky guy. He always made me smile and laugh. He was one of a kind and there will never be another person like him. He touched everyone he knew. He is the love of my life. There is days that I can’t make it. I will see him again and I look forward to that day. I love him and miss him so much.

  10. My son parted this planet almost 2 yrs ago. Does it get easier. No. Does life get brighter? Yes. Joaquin was my blessing and this blog hits the nail on the head. Why do i talk about him? Because life is a journey! I talk about him so much, i share his story on this earth. Though short lived, his life was full. Loss is incredibly difficult. You are not alone ever.

  11. Welcome to MY nightmare
    I am sure I scare you
    Cause what happened to me
    My nightmare could be yours too
    My 17,32 year old sons took their last breath
    I could not believe my eyes
    My sons and best friend
    My boys died
    I have cried until my river of tears ran dry
    I wanted to climb into their coffins and die
    why why why why?
    So inside of my house I do hide
    “I could not live with what happened to you”
    Ok what would you have me do?
    “I know how you must feel”
    You havent lost a child so you HAVE NO CLUE!
    I will never be the same
    God I do not blame
    Only parents who have lost a child know my pain
    I am fighting to not go insane
    I will fight this to the end
    I hope you never know where I have been
    I will ever slowly mend
    I hope you never know the pain I am in

  12. You have put into words exactly what I feel. I still find myself holding back quite often when I want to bring up my husband in conversation, not because of how I’ll feel, but how the other party will receive it. Grief is the last great taboo subject, despite being the one that will touch everyone’s life someday…

  13. My granddaughter committed subside last May 2017, my heart breaks every day at the thought of how alone she must of felt she was 14. She was asrersized at school bullied and made fun of all the time and she didn’t have the strength to cope. I know what Anna is feeling from losing her sons, it something that you never get over, never wish on anyone, and can’t quite understand cause kids are not supposed to die before adults. I miss my beautiful granddaughter and will never forget how she always made me smile.

  14. Sorry for the screw up, I meant may of 2016 that my granddaughter passed away, it been a rough time and trying to concentrate is the hardest thing right now.

  15. I talk about my husband who passed away from Glioblastoma grade 4, April 19, 2016. I miss him so much. His silly jokes, his teasing me, the love we shared for each other. I talk about him all the time. I still call his workshop, Dad’s workshop because he loved it so much. I want our grandchildren to remember their Papaw and how much he loved them. Our daughters are still having a hard time dealing with the loss of their Dad.

  16. It’s been 4 years since I lost Seth and I still find ways to include him in my conversation. It makes me sad but I now find myself judging other people’s reactions when I say his name to see if they are uncomfortable or not. I can feel the shift in the room when I say his name and someone is uncomfortable that I’m talking about my deceased husband. After several years I wish I still wasn’t so sensitive to it.

  17. I lost my son three months ago to suicide. We talk about him all the time, especially among family and especially to our youngest grand kids who are three and five. We want them to remember him. We will all be releasing his ashes together in two weeks.

  18. My heart broke forever august 3rd 2008. My dear son Anthony died after he became ill at a tattoo convention in Las Vegas after succumbing to mengenittis and then a stroke. I was with him for 6 weeks before I was allowed to bring him back to Staten Island.. he came home to say goodbye to family and friends. He died 3 days later after giving up the will to live. He was a brilliant artist that couldn’t hold a pencil let alone his tattoo gun.. I’ve been everyone’s shoulder to cry on but I’ve never cried myself. I’ll never forgive myself for bringing him home. I knew he needed therapy but I let everyone override me.. I will never be the same and no one knows it

  19. I talk about my husband William all the time. He died on August 31 2016 in a car accident after what is thought to have been a medical emergency. I read your post on shame and had my first experience with that last week when I was talking about Will and someone asked me how long we have been married. I simply answered 4 years.(would’ve been 5 this past April). I didn’t want to explain but I found comfort in it afterwards because someone thought he was still alive and with me. I miss him everyday and talk about him daily. I still wake up in the mornings and think he should be there and then it’s like my brain goes ” oh s…” for the first moments that I am awake I go back to that awful phone call and walking into that trauma room. My life went from a dream to a nightmare.

  20. I talk about my wife, Sanaa, because I am so proud. She was amazing and so much my better half. I don’t want to let anyone forget how special she was.

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