Grief in GeneralThank You

I Wish I Had You Way Back Then (to the grieiving community)

I wish I had you way back then.

When she was sick.

And I was watching her die.

I wish I knew you existed.

When I angrily cursed to a Higher Power. 

And asked, “Why?”

I wish I had you way back then.

When I needed more than just a friend.

I could have used a word from someone who had been through it.

A helpful word. You could have sent.

I wish I had you way back then.

When the vision before me.  I could take no more.

I wish I could have reached out to you.

You could have told me that I would survive. This unimaginable horror.

I wish I had you way back then.

As I sobbed so loudly.  Yet, I made sure she could not hear.

I wish I had someone who had survived the same pain.

To sit with me.  And share a tear.

I wish I had you way back then.

When I myself. Wanted to die.

You could have told me what I tell others now.

Focus on survival.  That is the first thing to do.

Learning to live again is second.

‘‘I promise, in time – it will happen for you.’’

I wish I had you way back then.

When making it to the next second. Seemed a task too great to bear.

To tell me in time that would be ok.  To acknowledge my belief, that none of this was fair.

I wish I had you way back then.

For the support you give me now.

I’m so thankful that I found you when I did.

Together, those of us who have made it through. 

Must show the rest of the world how.

© Copyright 2017 John Polo








12 thoughts on “I Wish I Had You Way Back Then (to the grieiving community)

  1. I was so fortunate to have a small caretakers group of 10 ladies all with dying husbands during the 3+ years mt husband had the pancreas cancer. It really did help. Three of us even got together to go on a weeks vacation after out hubbies died. Very sad and lots of tears yet laughter and understanding too. We will be friends for life. We all shared a totally life changing experience. We will always carry this with us as you will too. But the key really is to focus on survival now. Hang on for dear life on the rough days and laugh and feel as much love for all as possible. What you put out comes back to you 10 fold.

    Big hugs John

    1. John IM PROUD OF SUCH THE OUTCOME U HAVE BCOME 4 OTHERS. I know I know We all know the feelings but u have such a blessd way 2 express urself. THE HURT IS N US ALL & IM THANKFUL I KNOW WHAT THE LORD HAS BEEN DOIN 4 MY FAMILIA THANK U. I believe if i get stuck along the way on my journey of life, i can ask u 4 sum widowers advice?! KU, THXS. A friend n Phx,Az

  2. I am only eight months into the grieving process and I’m just now finding your blog and to me it feels like a lifeline.When my husband developed an aortic aneurism Christmas Day and passed away the next day I felt positive that I would die the second his heart stopped beating, but it did’nt so I was forced to stay here and begin this grief journey.I don’t know how to stay in this world without the love of my life.Maybe with help from all of these wonderful people who are on the same path as I am I can learn to smile again.

  3. John, reading this I found myself thinking back and I so wish you had been there for me, as you are now! These are the people you need to help now! You could really help these people who are going through what we went through with no one to help us. Not that you aren’t doing amazing work now, but we now know how desperately and alone these people are just struggling to get through each unknown day with their loved one. You can help them with first hand knowledge.

  4. Thank You so much for Your blog and strenght! I feel it’s a gift from heaven…
    My fiance and I never got married. Altho for us we were Man and Wife, because hours before he died we had our promise. There was just him in his hospital bed and me. No one else. And our secret marriage is what helps me grieve. Knowing we had even this few hours. Having that closure.
    Grief is killing me most of the times and I don’t accept some people saying I should move on because it was 15 months ago. But I’m doing my best to survive. And Your blog is a reminder that we are not alone. There are wonderful people who share the same experience and understand. Stay strong. I’m sure Your wife is proud if what You do.

  5. Hello John,
    I came across you lovely story on Yahoo regarding your beautiful wife, Michelle, and your finding the picture of her in her wedding dress. I wanted to say how moving it was. And I had an opportunity to read some of your posts, after coming across the story. Thank you for sharing your inner-most thoughts and feelings. There are so many people out there that will find strength in your words. What a wonderful thing to be able to do, touch people through written word. Though I can only imagine how great your pain, it’s obvious the love you felt for her, and that is a precious thing that will stay with you always. In this day and age with so many horrible things going on in the world and so many people hurting each other with their words and actions, it’s wonderful to see so much love. Such positive energy. On a daily basis you see too many stories about pettiness and tangible things, reading about celebrity woes and “reality” TV. It’s refreshing to come across something so real, special and meaningful. Best wishes to you and your daughter.

  6. My brother lost the love of his life and his heart was broken. Unlike you, he didn’t choose to grow old, enjoy his children and grandchildren. Only 10 months after his wife passed, he died. Thank you for sharing your story of pain, loss, grief, and still choosing life.

  7. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

    This touched me because my dad was a young widower, also. My mom died of cancer. I was not yet 2 and my sister 5.

    My dad went on to privately (secretly, actually) have a life, lover for some time but he never remarried. He had daughters that we never met until we were all young adult women many years later.

    I think his grief was so great, he didn’t know what to do with all of it. Sometimes,I think he still doesn’t. I wish he would have known a community like what you’re fostering here existed.

    You help me because I am in almost my third year of grieving for my grandmother, my Mom’s mom. I knew her as Mom.

    I hope nobody underestimates the power of compassion and a shared word even among strangers with seemingly only grief in common.

    Thank you again for sharing.

  8. 11 years ago I lost my husband. I’ve known the loneliness of grief and all the changes that come with it, though the death of my spouse was sudden and much different.

    I just found this blog and plan to spend some time here reading. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Some of my story is at my blog “Ann’s Corner” at WordPress and on a Facebook page also.

  9. I was lucky enough to have 3 women that had experienced the same loss as many of us years before I did. 2 through cancer like my husband and one suddenly. 2 my age and one much younger. 2 with children, one without. Also 2 individuals that were experiencing the road at the same time I was. 2 of us lost our husbands 2 days apart, I met here on a cancer community site, she really was my lifeline. The other was a gentleman, our boys were friends through school and soccer. His wife died 3 months later. There were many similarities, yet this can be a lonely road. To have these ladies and gentleman in my life made that first year somewhat bearable. I urge all to seek out and find individuals, you might be surprised to find how many are out there, to help you, listen to you, cry with you, laugh with you and just be mad with you. I am only 2 years and 5 months since the loss of my husband and friend, Steve Graham, I still seek these people out, if only with a look, a short text or a thought. I know if I need to I can call on them any time and they can do the same with me. We all would love our significant other to be here.

  10. I just posted on my wall, i wish i found you sooner….to my Grief Support Community.
    I felt completely alone and isolated when I was caring for my husband. No one understood, no one knew my pain, no one was as lost as I was… but there are people out there. Soon after he passed I found an amazing group and that has made a huge difference. I can share stories, tears, hugs and not feel as alone. I wish I had never had to meet them, but I can’t imagine my life without them.
    Thank you for your voice.

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