Grief in GeneralSpecific to Our Story

A Hopeful Man

Hope.

We had you.

From time to time.

The truth is though, you were more of a dream.

Not a reality.

Of hers. Or mine.

Early on, we felt you so.

A few weeks into our new reality, we felt you go.

‘’We got it all John.’’

Cancer. No more.

I thought we were free.

Yea right.

Cancer. Horror.

I’ll never forget that moment.

The nurse came walking into the room.

Stage four kidney cancer it was not.

The actual diagnosis so much worse.

Devastation.  Doom.  And gloom.

You cried and told her, you didn’t want to go.

‘’I don’t want to leave my daughter.’’

The words, and the vision, devastated my soul.

Doctor after doctor, they knew what was to come. 

The cancer would come back.

 This time in four spots, not just one.

 Even then, you fought with all of your might.

 Your strength and courage made you my hero.

 Fear always the vision ahead of us.

 Yet somehow you smiled through the fright.

 Hope was occasional.

 Here and there.

 We had to search for it.

 The reality is if you search long enough, there is some version of hope.

 Everywhere.

 Miracles happen.

 We hoped for one.

 Until one day. When hope was truly done.

 I lost hope.

 Desperation won.

 Then something amazing happened.

 At my absolute lowest point.

 New hope had come.

 I felt it in my heart.

 I knew it in my mind.

 I’m not saying it was easy.

 But I grasped onto the new hope, as I was forced to leave the old hope behind.

 You were in a coma.

 I spoke to you.

 As I cried.

 I told you it was ok now. 

 And that you could go.

 In that moment, our love was larger than this world.

 It was soul to soul.

 I went from wanting to die.

 To determined to live.

 You made that happen.

 You refused to let me give in.

 ‘’No John, you are not going to give up.’’

 ‘’You will make it through this.  I know that you can.’’

 It’s because of you Michelle, that even in the most hopeless of times.

 I am somehow, a hopeful man.

 © Copyright 2017 John Polo

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “A Hopeful Man

  1. Hope stayed with me thru my husband’s brief cancer journey… we had hoped to have another child… I planned to name her Hope… that didn’t happen, but hope carried on… when I found Camp Widow, the theme for Toronto 2016 was Hope… I was meant to be there…

    Sometimes, we all need a little Hope… even if it’s just to help us get thru the moment we’re in!

  2. Hope is sometimes hard to grasp onto. When my husband was in ICU for 4 days, all the doctors said it was the worst head injury they had ever seen. Still I tried to keep hope alive. God had other plans for him and like you I had to keep going no matter what. Thank you for your posts.

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