A Hopeful Man

Hope. We had you. From time to time. The truth is though, you were more of a dream. Not a reality. Of hers. Or mine. Early on, we felt you so. A few weeks into our new reality, we felt you go. ‘’We got it all John.’’ Cancer. No more. I thought we were free. […]

She’s My Wife

On this day. Four years ago. We became man and wife. I’ve cried hard many a days. This. One of the most tearful of my life. You were so sick. The pain extreme. You couldn’t stop throwing up. A true nightmare. No fairytale. Or dream. You were in the same clothes. From three days before. […]

When You Washed Her Back

The nurses and hospice staff kept asking me if I wanted them to give Michelle a bath. I said no the first few times, I didn’t want to disturb her. I was scared. Every time she would get up she would suffer from God awful hallucinations.   She was finally resting comfortably and I didn’t […]

If She Were My Widow (In Honor of National Widows Day)

Michelle, It’s National Widows Day. May 3rd. I know you don’t pay a lot of attention to these types of things. But I also know you heard. I see you cry. Every single day. It hurts me still. I wish there was another way. You know I fought so hard. With all of my might. […]

We weren’t programmed to love each other. Yet we do.

We weren’t programmed to love each other.  Yet we do.  I can only imagine. The pure joy. Of seeing a child that you created, born. I can only imagine. The pure joy. Of hearing a child you created, call you daddy. I can only imagine those things.  Because at the age of thirty-two, I have […]

You Stayed Silent

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you felt uncomfortable. I’m sorry that you didn’t know what to say. The truth is though, your silence made me sick. And I think less of you, today. My wife died and You Stayed Silent. When she was diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer, You Stayed Silent. When she underwent […]

Far Too Early

Here are the front, and back, of the prayer cards for Michelle. A stunning picture of her on the front, and a custom write up that I did on the back.

Bitter Before Better

Before I found my better, I was very, very bitter. It’s not about never being bitter. It’s about trying to navigate through your bitter, to eventually find your better. It is not an easy process, but it is possible in time. Below is a Facebook post I made, before I found my better. The last time Michelle […]

Love Is…..

Here is a post from the Better Not Bitter Widower Facebook page.  Some of the comments are incredibly inspiring. Finish this sentence based on your own personal experience with someone you’ve loved and lost. Love is….. I’ll start. Love is not wanting to leave the hospice room after your wife passed away but having no […]

Facebook Post From Michelle’s Last Night With Us

Here is the post I made on Facebook announcing to the world that the love of my life had taken her last breath with us. The most beautiful girl in the world passed away at 9:34pm tonight. She passed away peacefully after a long, courageous battle. She was the strongest person I had ever met. […]