Don’t Forget Our Children

Don’t forget our children.  As the days pass by.  Don’t forget our children. Those that had a daddy, or a mommy, die. Don’t forget our children. As you go on with your day to day routine. Don’t forget our children. Truly profound loss, they have seen. Don’t forget our children. They deserve better than to […]

I Wish I Had You Way Back Then (to the grieiving community)

I wish I had you way back then. When she was sick. And I was watching her die. I wish I knew you existed. When I angrily cursed to a Higher Power.  And asked, “Why?” I wish I had you way back then. When I needed more than just a friend. I could have used […]

A Hopeful Man

Hope. We had you. From time to time. The truth is though, you were more of a dream. Not a reality. Of hers. Or mine. Early on, we felt you so. A few weeks into our new reality, we felt you go. ‘’We got it all John.’’ Cancer. No more. I thought we were free. […]

Grief Is

Grief is crying on the floor. So very loudly. Yet nobody is there to hear, or see, your horror. Grief is the future missed. You would give anything for just one more hug. Or just one more kiss. Grief is death. For them. But it feels like for you too. The world moves on it […]

She’s My Wife

On this day. Four years ago. We became man and wife. I’ve cried hard many a days. This. One of the most tearful of my life. You were so sick. The pain extreme. You couldn’t stop throwing up. A true nightmare. No fairytale. Or dream. You were in the same clothes. From three days before. […]

Dear Jessica (You Are Not Alone)

Up until this very moment, I had only admitted this to a few close friends, but the truth is the last month or so I have been occasionally frustrated with my blog page. I pour so much of my heart and soul into it, exposing my deepest thoughts, fears and emotions. I get frustrated because […]

When You Washed Her Back

The nurses and hospice staff kept asking me if I wanted them to give Michelle a bath. I said no the first few times, I didn’t want to disturb her. I was scared. Every time she would get up she would suffer from God awful hallucinations.   She was finally resting comfortably and I didn’t […]

Give Me Normal (Please)

Where is my normal life? The one we were set to have. Health. Peace. The extremely beautiful wife. It was taken away. Cancer did us in. 1 in 7 billion the doctor said. John and Michelle, for the ‘We’ve never seen this before’, type of win. That’s what people don’t quite get. It’s not just […]

It Bothers Me When

It bothers me when. It bothers me when: I get introduced to someone as John. And there is no Michelle. That, in itself, is a moment of Hell. It bothers me when: They think that I am a single man. Because I am not. I was wed. And she is dead. It bothers me when: […]

It’s Worth the Pain

I dream about you, from time to time.  You are so real.  Just as beautiful as ever. You shine. The truth is though, it hurts so much. When I wake up and you are not there. My mind reels. My soul feels bare. My heart is confused, as to how it feels. About these dreams. […]